How to Work with an Insecure Boss: The Harvard Business Review Guide reviews
Of all the bad bosses out there, one of the most common–and most painful to work for–is the one who’s plagued by doubt. Here’s how to deal with them.
00:00 If you’ve ever doubted yourself because your boss doesn’t have faith in you, shoots down your ideas without explanation, or blames you for their lack of success, this video is for you.
00:34 How do you know if you’re dealing with an insecure boss?
01:05 Don’t try to retaliate! You’ll only make things worse.
01:30 A little self-doubt is normal, but here’s where it crosses the line.
02:41 Tactic 1: Remain patient.
03:25 Tactic 2: Frame your work as a joint effort.
04:05 Tactic 3: Signal that you’re not a threat.
04:45 Tactic 4: Flattery works–as long as it’s genuine.
05:25 Tactic 5: Restore their sense of control.
06:40 Realize though: You’re not going to change them.
07:00 Let’s recap!
The tips in this Harvard Business Review Guide come from Amy Gallo’s book, “Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People)”, available here: https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Along-Anyone-Difficult-People/dp/1647821061/
SEE ALSO:
Managing 3 Types of Bad Bosses: https://hbr.org/2014/12/managing-3-types-of-bad-bosses
What to Do When You Have a Bad Boss: https://hbr.org/2018/09/what-to-do-when-you-have-a-bad-boss
Produced by Amy Gallo and Scott LaPierre
Video by Andy Robinson
Design by Riko Cribbs, Alex Belser, and Karen Player
Follow us:
https://hbr.org/
https://www.linkedin.com/company/harvard-business-review/
https://www.facebook.com/HBR/
Tweets by HarvardBiz
https://www.instagram.com/harvard_business_review
Sign up for Newsletters: https://hbr.org/email-newsletters
#HarvardBusinessReview #BadBoss #Insecurity
Copyright © 2022 Harvard Business School Publishing. All rights reserved.
GZ-R –
My advice: make your life easier, stop being the therapist of your boss, and start looking for another job.
Marcelo Rodriguez Escribano –
Your advise is SO misleading and gaslighting. You are advocating for the person on the receiving end of this toxic and abusive behavior to, on top of having less money, resources and power, to also spend time strategizing and placating the insecure boss. So you basically want me to become enablers. If you're dealing with an insecure boss, know this right away, you deserve better and your boss' insecurities are NOT your part of your job. Document everything. Advocate for changing to another department or even better, get another job. They're never going to change. Your job is to take care of yourself, not spending your limited resources on people that are not worth it.
mmrgratitudes –
Ugh!! Where was this video 5 years ago? I had a very insecure boss, and she wanted our whole office to revolve around her. She regailed us with dumb stories about her dog or kids, and expected us to "oo" and "aah" with her. She went out of her way to bring other people down. She was TOXIC. Thankfully, I moved on to a better position in a better place. Phew!!
My sincere advice: build a moat around you – in other words make sure you have a solid defense. Be clear with communication, and document EVERYTHING. Always be in integrity, and have great relationships with his/her boss (or if they are the big boss, with all the other executives and managers around), so that if anything happens your side won't be questioned. Lastly, have a smart exit plan, and leave your position with grace. Whether it's moving up, moving to another department, moving to a whole new job – make sure that you've done your best to wrap things up and transition your team properly. Don't burn bridges and make sure you keep in contact with the good people you have worked with.
If you are dealing with this kind of boss – I know what it's like, and I hope you come out of it successfully. Learn, take valuable lessons, and don't let the bitterness of other people destroy your character and disposition. Good Luck!
Pants –
Nah. Stand up for yourself.
cranky_cherry –
So is it just me, or this video is mostly telling employees to stay passive, and adjust to the whims of the boss? 👀
kriskitty10 –
You missed the mark with this video! Teaching employees to keep quiet and be passive with insecure leaders? Nope.
vijay nidumolu –
Thanks a Ton. I retailated and am facing consequences with career stagnation… infact for 2nd time in my career. It was hell-> heaven transition when i left my previous insecure boss. He made life so much miserable for all his subordinates..
I wish I can sense pathological insecurity of a boss in job interview itself.
jack9458 –
Excellent, helpful video👌
E. Smeltzer –
I use the OODA loop tactic and many of the tips and strategies you suggest work for getting in their OODA loop.
Hamath SY –
Thank you Amy for these tips.
cdtz82 –
Thank u Amy for sharing this relevant topic and navigating insights. Toxic bosses can, and will mess up everything for their own selfish gains and insecurities.
joyraj de –
Standing against (health) hackers doesn't mean insecurities.i called super security.or make it ss..
John Salas –
My project is not clear,do I have one?
Peggy Stinson –
I am listening to this and stopped half-way through because I am having such a hard time agreeing with these tips. I have not answered to a boss for a lot of years and I just could not ever imagine having to be in the position of having to embrace the behaviors that are being offered as an answer to having an insecure boss. The first few tips sound more like coddling an infant, or enabling unhealthy behavior. There is no reason for someone to be specifically contradictory; however, I would personally try to motivate people to figure out ways to neutrally show the insecure boss that you are willing and able to do your job and that they need to keep healthy boundaries when working with you (decisions, communication, responsibility etc.) Just because someone is your boss and they feel insecure, doesn't put the burden on you to "take care of them". It is their burden to grow up.
Shubham Tiwari –
None of these work at Unilever
Credit Unions.Training –
This is the first video from #HBR that I actually really disagree with… In my opinion, if your boss is really insecure, I personally believe you should make every attempt to exit. You can’t restore that emptiness nor should you try. Insecure managers won’t actively look for ways to help you grow and thrive. Insecure managers create insecure employees who create a insecure cultures. That culture will impact your health and home life. As a consultant, I see this a lot in of organizations. Individuals who will allow their organization to fail all because the idea didn’t come from them. This is why strong governance is critical for the continued success.
Bankole Joseph –
Very timely video. Spoke to my ongoing experience with a client. I can do better. Thank you.
Noteworthy Extracts –
Restore their sense of control!, Why?! I Don't think that is necessary.
Sapphire3755 –
These tips are great if your boss wants to feel comfortable, but I’ve been in a situation where my boss wants to reinforce the hierarchy and wants her work to be better than mine. What’s the best response then?
Merchant Richardson –
Thank you